Do Not Stray Into Her Path

"Now therefore, my sons, listen to me, and pay attention to the words of my mouth. Do not let your heart turn aside to her ways, do not stray into her paths. For many are the victims she has cast down, and numerous are all her slain. Her house is the way to Sheol, descending to the chambers of death."

Proverbs 7:24-26

Preface

I was going to make this post short, because I thought people would look at the length and just be like: "I don't got time for this man". But I'm not going to, this thing is long on purpose and I can't stress enough to you how important this post is. This is years of experience and wisdom and bible truth and my mistakes packed into a very comparatively tiny post.

Introduction

Christian men, boys, gentledudes, this is a post about wisdom. I would like to pass on some tips that have helped me be able to use the Internet with out falling into it's many sexual death traps. Some of you may be tempted to just give up and throw your computer out the window, but the pervasiveness of the Internet is undeniable and it is now much harder to just ignore it altogether (unless you would like to be a hermit.....in the woods, I have thought about it once or twice trust me, but the mosquitoes, ooooooh the mosquitoes...). The Internet is at your desk at work, or you need it for school, and you definitely can't figure out where anybody's birthday parties are without google maps!

So if we are to continue to use the Internet for the foreseeable future, I would suggest that it would be much easier to fight visual temptation if we never saw it in the first place. But that is the dilemma isn't it.......the usefulness of the Internet comes with all the sexual temptations known to man. The Lord knows we are trying hard to battle, but alas, it is a vast army that fights against us. What I propose then, men, is that we work smarter, not harder. Think sexual temptation on the Internet is impossible to avoid (like our friend below)? Think again....


In today's post I will first talk about what Internet pornography is. Next we will talk about why we need to avoid it at all costs. And finally, *red alarm sounds* man all battle stations, we are going to the how. (For more information on the WWH format check here).

*This post may not be suitable for younger readers, but it's contents could prove very helpful for boys approaching teenagerhood. So Dad, you may want to go through some of this with your son(s)........before it's too late.


What

The what is Internet pornography. It is a vast and terrible plague of sin that is tempting, trapping and destroying the lives of men. It is my opinion that there is no greater threat to Christian men than Internet pornography. Not only does it carry with it all the consequences of adultery and fornication, but it is a very private sin. All you need is the Internet, a computer and an empty room........no one sees you but God. That's why it's so dangerous, it's easy to get at and it's easy to "get away with" (in the short term). It is the duty of every Christian man to stand in victory over this sin through the power of the cross of Jesus Christ, the power of his Holy Spirit living in us and God's Holy Word......which is super powerful.

Why

Most reading this probably already know or already assume that looking at Internet pornography is a sin, but let's look at what the Bible has to say about Internet pornography, just in case you have any doubts about it being sin.

If you are looking at Internet pornography you are in either one of two camps. You are either an adulterer or a fornicator.

Adultery means that:

1) you are a married man that is lusting after another woman with your eyes
or
2) you are not married, but the woman you are lusting after is married
(a side note here, when you are lusting after a woman on the Internet, how do you know if she is married or not?).

Jesus words are clear in Matthew 5:27-30, "But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Jesus also makes it clear in this passage that adulterers will be "...thrown into hell."

Fornication basically means sex outside of marriage. It comes from the word porneia (sound familiar?). So if you are single and the woman you are lusting after is single, that does not make it ok, it makes it fornication. You might say: "But we are not having sex", to which I would say: "Buster, who are you fooling?". Applying Jesus' standard of sexual purity from Matthew 5:28 (he's going for the motive, not the action), you're really not in any better shape than the adulterer. Plus your conscience denies you. Also, Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:18, "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body." As for the consequences, Paul says in Galatians 5:19-21, "Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are [these]; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies, envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told [you] in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God."

So in conclusion, adultery and fornication will send you to hell. That's reason enough for me to try to beat this, but let's name a few more reasons:



-your insides will feel like black death
-it will kill your relationship with God
-no joy
-living in shame
-hypocrisy
-lost witness with your peers and family
-lost reputation
-grieving the Spirit of the Lord
-heaping loads of guilt
-mocking the cross
-defeating everything the Lord is trying to accomplish in and through your life
-how do you feel about someone else when you see them doing it? That's how everyone will feel about you....
-lost leadership ability and spiritual authority
-destroy your perception of sex if you are not married (this one deserves another post altogether)
-you will hate yourself
- and go to hell (I think I already said that, but it's probably worth mentioning again) (prov 6-7)



For Married Men

-hurting your wife
-making your wife feel not beautiful, not good enough
-irreparable damage to trust in your marriage relationship
-bringing shame on your family
-destroyed relationships with children

This is just the tip of the iceberg. The bible is chalk full of more reasons, but I can tell you from personal experience that the worst is separation from God, living in shame and feeling like your insides are rotted out. Read those three reasons over and over and if you've fallen before, remember what it's like. Remind yourself constantly of these aftereffects. A couple verses in Proverbs 5:3-5 really sum this all up for me:

"For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, And smoother than oil is her speech; But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, Sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, Her steps lay hold of Sheol."

If you remember nothing else, remember this.....sin will ALWAYS disappoint you. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'm not going to lie to you. These are very beautiful women and they have beautiful bodies (that's the honey that the verse talks about), but you ALWAYS have to remind yourself about the rot and the shame and the spiritual death that lies behind that mirage. That's what will enable you to walk away from this sin. King David found out the hard way, don't let it happen to you. Sin will always disappoint you.

Now that we have been reminded about the consequences of lust and adultery and fornication, let's get to the good stuff! Let's get to the how!! How are you going to be able to use the Internet and not fall into the millions of traps set for your life?

How

Now we are going to give Internet pornography a good curb stomp (that's when you open it's mouth on a street curb and stomp on it's head, not unlike how Genesis 3:15 describes Jesus crushing Satan's head : ) We're going to talk about 3 different ways: first, just plain old hard work; second, carelessness awareness and third hacking.



1 - Work Hard

In a previous post I explained how hard work in your day to day activities helps to put you into a soldier mode instead of a sitting duck mode. Remember King David who when the kings went to war.......stayed home. Boy did he get into trouble. You can check out the full scoop here. This is so important I can't tell you how much it has helped me to just focus on working. It's also a challenge and I continually have to weed out distractions and make my 8 hours of work a day one of my #1 priorities! It's totally worth it though!



2 - Carelessness Awareness

My accountability partner once helped me a great deal with my addiction to Internet pornography. One time I called to confess my sin and my accountability partner immediately went after the root of the fall. Want to know what it was? Carelessness, that's what. Let me explain.

Joel Spolsky is an excellent writer on software stuff, but I once read an article by him called 5 whys and I think this works great for other stuff too. He explains how they use Toyota's 5 whys method to solve difficult computer problems. You basically keep asking why (like an extremely curious 4 year old) until you figure out the root cause of the issue. Let's apply this to my situation:

I had looked at Internet pornography.

Why?

Because I was engulfed in lust.

Why?

Because I had been tempted by some images on a video game site called gamespot.

Why?

Because I like going to gamespot to see what new games were coming out.........

AHA!

With only 3 whys my accountability partner and I figured out that the source of my temptation was a video game site that I visited almost on a daily basis. This site often has scantily clad women (video game women characters) plastered around the site. It was this temptation that was driving me further and further into lust until it engulfed me and I gave into the temptation to look at Internet pornography.

Solution? Jesus to the rescue! If we take another look at Matthew 5:30 it says: "And if your hand—even your stronger hand—causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away." Using this extreme thinking, we came up with a plan. Cut the site off! "But what about the video game news???" your flesh cries out as you pull out your internet site cutter-offer knife. What about it? Is video game news worth an eternity in hell? I actually think that this solution is quite mild compared to Jesus' stronger version of TEARING YOUR EYEBALLS OUT!! I'll take the lost video game news thanks!!!

Can you think of some sites that are tripping you up? Are you aware of your carelessness? Are you visiting sites that have sensual pictures on them and you are pretending that they aren't affecting you? Put on your Holy Spirit binoculars man! and start making a list of no-go sites immediately! Add to it as you need to. Remember that in Proverbs 7:25 it says: "Do not stray into her paths". Do it before it's too late! Here's my list so far:

(no-go sites and consequences on work wall)

No-Go Sites

-yahoo
-msn search
-netscape
-quicktime application
-windows media player news
-myspace
-hi5
-gamespot
-ign
-rotten tomato
-quicktime movie previews
-ask.com
-lycos
-altavista
-myexcite
-a9
-dogpile
-metacrawler
-search.com
-google video
-youtube
-Any lingerie or underwear store site
-google image search
-National Geographic
-Time
-Sears mail flyers
-comics
-newspapers
-desktop themes and backgrounds
-hotmail
-si.com

Let's have a look at how some of these can be categorized so that you can create some heuristics for future site avoidance patterns.


News Portals - These will mess you up. News Portal people know that sex sells, they will put a sexy woman on any news story just to get you to click on it. Avoid these at all costs.

examples - yahoo, msn search, netscape, quicktime application opening screen, windows media player (the guide), all celebrity news sites, hotmail load page (to hotmail people.......switch to Gmail!!! What are you still doing on hotmail ? : ) Text ads, text ads, text ads!!!!)


Social Networking - These kinds of sites can be dangerous primarily because you don't have any control over the other people's pictures . I have noticed that certain sites like hi5 will even throw up profile pictures of people you don't know onto your homepage, that's ridiculous. Facebook isn't too bad for this, but choose your friends wisely, don't stalk people and try to mind your own profile as much as possible. (see the hacking section for tips on getting rid of the ads)

examples - myspace, hi5, facebook, orkut


Video Game News = Very Bad News. Game industries have too long catered to the 20-30 single men age group and this has led to a very very nasty scene. (I just fell again for this one recently, I can't stress enough how important it is to never go to video game review sites. Don't look for video game anything online. It's too dangerous. The same people that review Nintendo Wii games review Mature +18 games and they own the same websites! Stick to Toys 'R' Us flyers or ask your friends if they like this or that video game.)

examples - gamespot, ign (never go to ign, ever.........ever-ever), etc...


Movie Previews/Reviews - I don't really know what to say here except that 1 in every 5 posters has got a scantily clad woman on it, so I don't even want to know what is in the previews...

examples - rotten tomato, quicktime movie previews

*A safer alternative for movie news is Spotlight christian movie reviews (terrible reviews, but the user comments are totally useful).

?
Weird Search Sites - Just stick to Google, text ads, nuff said. (Plus, if you are married, there is a feature that you can use to track your search history whenever you are a logged in. Not only is this useful for finding things later, but give your wife (or accountability partner) your gmail password and you may think twice about what you are searching for : )

examples - ask.com, lycos, altavista, myexcite, a9,dogpile, metacrawler, search.com


Online Video Sites - Danger, Danger, Danger!! Avoid all sites that house video collections uploaded by users. (I know what you are thinking, Micah seriously, you can't put YouTube in that list. I know..... that's a hard one. I have found some workarounds for YouTube. You still have to be very careful, but check out the hacking section for some helpful tips!)

examples - google video, youtube, ebaumsworld, college humor, etc...


Image Searches - Another accident waiting to happen. I struggle with this one because of the usefulness of it (especially for blogging!), but I always come back to the fact that I need to avoid image searches. You just don't know what a search is going to turn up and it only takes one picture to turn your day upside down. For example, you do a search for a picture of a daisy flower using the word "Daisy", but it turns up some bad pictures because there is perhaps a female model with that same name. See what I mean? It's tricky....

examples - google image search, a9, msn, yahoo, and all the others...

*Couple workarounds here:

1) If you own Microsoft office, bring up clipart, find the picture you want to use, do a screencapture, paste into MS Paint, cut out the part you want, save it to the desktop and use it.
2) In google type in the name of what you are searching for and as your last word in the search, type "image" or "icon". This will bring back about 4 results from google image search into the normal google results area. Far less dangerous and usually gets you what you are looking for. Sometimes it doesn't bring back images though.
3) Check out Leo's Icons (now known as Icon Archive), and use his search tool. This has been a great help for me.


Others
- Run away from every magazine rack!
- National geographic, time, sears mail flyers, comics, newspapers
- Computer desktop themes and backgrounds (only go if you know the site before hand and that it is clean)
- Sports sites (like si.com), it goes without saying, but stay far away from any site with a bathing suit component!

Now that you have your no-go list together, photocopy that bad boy and put it right by the monitor of every computer you use. Got a laptop? Photocopy a mini version and tape it to the inside!! Put your thinking caps on and get this somewhere where you can see it, then comment me on creative things you did! Make sure to leave some space on your sheet so you can add more sites later!



3 - Hacking

Now that we have tackled sites that you can avoid yourself, what about the tricky ones that just jump out and surprise you? Like this one!


They're on facebook, hotmail, news sites, blogs..... there are dating ads, Swinkys, loose weight, take pills, look like this woman, look at that woman.......*AAAARRRGYYYL* THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!!!! "I'll just have to shut off the Internet" you say to yourself, "what else can I do?"

No worries! Would you believe me if I told you that you never had to look at another banner ad again? Imagine this for a moment if you will. There is this little man from Europe who lives in your computer. Every time you visit a webpage, he bolts from side to side, top to bottom, wiping out every banner ad in his path and then escapes back to Europe before you ever see the ads or him.... Well this is not imaginary folks, it's reality (well, pretty close, he is not little, but he is a man from Europe and he is not in your computer but he wrote a program to help your computer). His name is Wladimir Palant and I am greatly indebted to him. I salute my hat to you good sire if you ever read this.

Get this, all you have to do is install firefox and then get the Adblock Plus add-on. Not a nerd? That's ok, I've put together a website to help! It's called http://youcanbeanerd.blogspot.com and it will help you get started. Here's the plan:


1 - Get Firefox and find out how it can help you do more than block ads!


2 - For those times that you absolutely need Internet Explorer, open up IE inside Firefox with the click of a button!


3 - Get the Adblock Plus add-on for Firefox (and learn how to block Facebook ads).


4 - While you are at it, cut the clutter out of YouTube!!!


The Take Away

-Constantly remind yourself of the consequences of looking at Internet Pornography
-Work Hard!
-Every time you fall, ask the 5 whys and make sure you don't fall for the same thing twice (add it to your no go list).
-Pimp out your Firefox with sweet add-ons to block ads and make YouTube safer!

Final Thoughts

Lastly, we have to want it this thing. We have to want to be free. If we find ourselves tempted beyond hope and stuck in complacency, we need to read the consequences over and over and over and over. We need to read the first seven chapters of Proverbs or better yet get the audio and put it on our ipods because sometimes we are so far gone that we can't even bring ourselves to open the bible. If we are going on to the Internet with the purpose of looking at Internet pornography, we need to trace our steps back even further using the 5 whys into our physical lives, we need accountability partners, we need the list of consequences beside our computers, we need to be in the Word of God memorizing verses like Malachi 2:14, 15 and 16, Romans 8:11, Proverbs 5:3-4, we need to listen to Christian music written by desperate Christians who are chearing us on! IF WE DESPERATELY WANT TO BE FREE, WE NEED TO BE DESPERATE ABOUT THIS THING!

I also want to say that if you have fallen, you can get back up. I have gotten back up many times and I'm not proud to say that. But some people came around me that loved me and they didn't give up on me and I'm not willing to give up on any of you. Please read Romans 8. I am working on a song for Romans 8 and I hope to put it in your hands someday so that you can know it by heart too. "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus"!! God is for you, not against you! If you ever need any prayer or help, please email me micah63 *at* gmail *dot* com.

Hopefully helpful, until next my next post! God Bless! Micah